i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
