i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
