I didn't shave. On purpose
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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