I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
