Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
