I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
