i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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