dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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