i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My pussy is not your playground.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
