Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
