I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
