He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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