Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
