rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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