I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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