I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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