I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
