her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
