just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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