If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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