i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
