Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
