i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
