Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
