She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
