Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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