If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
