Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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