NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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