Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
