Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize