i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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