I wish I only lived at night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
