i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
