Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
