My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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