We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You are a genius and a whore.
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