His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
