fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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