her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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