Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
