I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
