the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
