Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I only lived at night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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