my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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