My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
