She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
