I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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