Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
