We're like a lot better than the average bears
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You've changed since you got that strap on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
