pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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