so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We just shotgunned beers for America
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
