we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
