her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
