She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
