the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
