True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
