I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
