508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
did i just pee glitter
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think people are normalizing furries
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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