i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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