She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
