No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
