peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
